Part 3 of the 10 part series: Leader-friendly gardening practices to end bullying.
 
In Part 1, I discussed the need for social change to help end bullying and it begins with adults. In Part 2, I suggested adults step up to end bullying.
 
Today we will look at how. The first and most critical action for adults to take is to:
 
Transform our societal view of leadership as a job, position, or title - to a way of life that expresses your purpose, imagination, and dreams.

In the traditional view, it is more about gaining social status and power. In the transformed view, the focus is on to being the leader and behaving like the leader of your life, so you can reach your full potential and make the difference you desire.
 
Most importantly, that difference that doesn’t entail beating up on the other guy (verbally, emotionally, or physically) to get what you want or climb the social ladder.
 
However, you can’t change a societal view without changing your view.
 
It amazes me how dear and near the traditional of leadership is held by so many people - especially those who balk at the notion that we are the one true leader of our life. I suspect this has more to do with how easy it is to allow other people or circumstances to run of our lives than take full responsibility. I’ll address that in subsequent posts.
 
For now, let me define leadership in the simplest way. To lead means to guide and direct. A leader is a person or thing that guides and directs. Leadership is the action a leader takes.
 
If you aren’t leading your life, who or what is?
 
And who says not every child can be a leader?  In the traditional view, perhaps that is correct. But that is not the type of leadership grown here at the Leadership Garden Legacy.
 
Back to bullying. The center of attention has been on the stereotypical schoolyard bully (physical aggressor) for too long. For years, many have pointed to low self-esteem of the aggressor which was an indicator in the CNN study as well, but not the main factor.
 
There are others who say it is too much self-esteem of the aggressor. In other words, thinking too highly of one’s self and the power you think you have to control and dominate others.
 
The Wheatley School study showed 17% of the students were both aggressor and victim. The more prevalent types of bullying behavior were verbal threats, spreading rumors, ostracism, and manipulation.
 
These types of behaviors are more difficult than the stereotypical physically aggressive bullying to detect and address with laws and policies . According to the study, 81% of the aggressive incidents go unreported to adults and in 77% of the aggressive incidents peer bystanders didn’t intervene.
 
This data indicates to me two things:

• youth don’t trust adults to be able to address the situation adequately when they do reach out
• peers feel powerless to make a difference

Why is the big question? The answers will come later.
 
The real issue for me is that children aren’t born to be mean or hateful. It is a learned behavior - just like being kind and compassionate.
 
What‘s lacking is the type of leadership development that begins early and teaches children to be responsible for the impact (positive or negative) their behavior has on them and those around you.
 
Some of students in the Wheatley study, who bullied others, reported they felt bad afterwards. This, in turn, lowers their self-esteem, and as the study showed, on average, bullying doesn’t actually elevate social status.
 
However, since the issue is jockeying for status, and many students who bully have high esteem, we should focus less on esteem building as a preventive tool, and more on self-regulation and responsibility for one’s behavior, while underscoring the inherent worth of each human being.
 
You simply can’t legislate or educate a change in behavior like this. You must first identify the behaviors that will help end bullying, show children the way, and practice them together daily.
 
The first leader-friendly gardening practice begins with being nonjudgmental. 
 
I will address each of the six practices through the lens of the study, and from the perspective of growing thriving leadership using the Leadership Garden metaphor in my books U.N.I.Q.U.E.: Growing the Leader Within for adults and U.N.I.Q.U.E. KIDS: Growing My Leadership Garden for elementary children.  
 
You may notice an absence of a teen guide among my offerings. By this time, many of these harmful behaviors are ingrained in the daily lives of middle and high school students. Therefore, I felt it best to put my effort towards adults creating the fertile ground for youth to thrive by helping children develop their leadership skills as early as possible. This will allow children to strive and thrive authentically in their middle and high school years.
 
However, the tween and teen years can be the hardest for many children. Therefore, I suggest you engage older students as cross-age leaders for younger children using my kid’s tools. This is a powerful way for tweens and teens to practice new behavior and engage with others in a meaningful way. 
 
You’ll now begin to see how empowering each child’s unique leadership can help put an end to bullying with the first leader-friendly gardening practice: being nonjudgmental next.
 
With this new view, please comment on your experiences of leadership in your life - even when you didn’t think you were a traditional leader.